Silent No More, Part 4

Finding My Voice

A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult. ~Melinda Gates

 In the Spring of 2012, when a group member (A) didn’t show for a previously canceled appointment, Kim decided to have a young group member (Z) check on her because she suspected the client was suicidal. Z called me to go pick up her three kids from school and told me she was very nervous about the kind of situation she was going to be walking into. I coordinated picking up her kids along with my kids and Z texted me about what was happening at A’s home. When Z showed up, (A) was frantically ripping up all of her journals and books. When (A) saw Z she started screaming for her to go away. (A) verbally assaulted Z by cursing and yelling things she knew would wound Z. This went on for an hour. While still ranting, (A) drank the largest bottle of Jack Daniels I have ever seen. After the alcohol was consumed Kim showed up at A’s front door.

At this point, (A) became aggressive and started to continually bang her head against the cement floor. As this was happening, (A) began to change personalities several different times. Z later said that Kim looked very nervous and shaken. Kim and Z attempted to hold down A’s legs and arms and head as they wrestled with A for over an hour. When the alcohol finally took hold of A and she quieted down some, Z found a medicine bottle of mixed pills that had spilt on the floor. She promptly flushed them down the commode. When Z finally passed out completely in her bed, Kim turned to Z and said, “I know I’m leaving A in capable hands. I’ve got tickets to a concert so I need to leave.”

Later that night Kim texted Z telling her “having fun at the concert!” Since Z and I were very close friends, and because she was very young, I was furious that Kim had not only sent her, but never prepared her for what she would be walking into, and then LEFT her there without knowing what to do.

  I did not have words to protect myself against Kim but I found many words to protect someone I loved from being used like I was being used.

During my next session with Kim, I told her she was wrong to send Z to check on A especially not knowing what she was going to walk into. After a heated discussion that lasted over an hour I told Kim I was no longer going to be seeing her and I left…..heartbroken. One of the things that has been very difficult to understand is how much I cared for Kim and how much I still want her to care not only about me but also about all she did to me. It creates a lot of conflict in me still to this day, a year and a half later. Sadly, this is not the end of the story.